How to be a Beloved Criminal

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Are you an aspiring criminal that wants to be fondly remembered? Are you up to the task? It's very tough to pull off, with people generally not liking the whole robbery and violence thing, but by following some simple steps it is possible.

Tucson celebrated the Jan 25, 1934 capture of John Dillinger this past weekend. That's a long time ago! So if you are a criminal and want to be remembered in a mostly positive light, be like John Dillinger and follow these helpful hints:

1) Be Good Looking - Nobody remembers Charles Makley, even though he was the main actor in the Tucson arrest. Makley wasn't handsome, Dillinger was (sort of).

2) Use One Liners - If you are going to rob a bank, say something like, "OK boys, let's go make a withdrawal." No need to reference the part about shooting people.

3) Spend Time in Small Towns - Life is quiet in small towns. Any excitement is usually appreciated and talked about long after the fact, even if it means destruction and chaos. So be like Dillinger and branch out from Chicago and big cities and head to places like Rhinelander, Wisconsin and Mooresville, Indiana.

4) Have a Brash, Over-reactionary Nemesis - While there will never be another J Edgar Hoover, finding and opponent who freaks out is important. The FBI spend far more capturing Dillinger than what he stole. Free PR is critical for lasting infamy.

5) Get a Corporate Sponsor - Dillinger was ahead of his time with product placements. His get away car was the perfect vehicle. The ads wrote themselves practically. "Will they catch John Dillinger? Not until they get him out of a Ford V8!"

6) Be Creative - Dillinger bluffed his way out of jail with a wooden gun made black with shoe polish. That's the sort of out of the box thinking that can set you apart from the common thug.

7) Be White - It's probably safe to say that if Dillinger was anything else but caucasian, that there would not be fun-filled Dillinger Days in downtown Tucson. While this will perhaps change 82 years from now, play it safe and be white if you are a criminal.